Conflict Communication In Relationships: Is There A "Right" Or "Wrong" Answer?

When it comes to relationships, whether it’s friendship, romance, or family, conflict is inevitable. Don’t worry, conflict isn’t necessarily a bad thing! Sometimes, it can even be a catalyst for a relationship to grow and become stronger. But to do that, it’s important to understand what conflict in a relationship is and where it comes from.

Conflict In Relationships - What Is It And Where Does It Come From?

Conflict is simply disagreement, misunderstanding, or different expectations between two people. This can range from small issues like deciding what to eat, to more important things like financial views or future direction.

Any couple will have moments of disagreement, as each person has their personality, views, and experiences. What matters is how we respond to conflict and find a solution instead of letting it damage the relationship.

Clinical psychologist Russell Grieger points out that disagreement in a relationship can lead to the following four scenarios:

• Win-Lose: One person gets what they want, while the other is left defeated, possibly feeling hurt, angry, and resentful. Such feelings may lead to further disagreements or surface in other areas of the relationship.

• Lose-Win: The opposite of the above scenario, this time it is the first person who feels left out or unappreciated. Regardless of who “loses,” the lack of balance between the two sides will still leave one person feeling dissatisfied, leading to a potential breakup.

• Lose-Lose: Both people are in a losing situation, where neither wants the other to ‘win,’ so neither will give in. This outcome often comes from stubbornness on both sides and if repeated many times, it can create a toxic atmosphere that destroys the relationship.

• Win-Win: This is the ideal outcome where both parties work together, and negotiate to find a solution that both are satisfied with. No one gets hurt or feels defeated, and trust between the two is strengthened. This helps the relationship become stronger and more lasting.

A win-win outcome is the goal that any couple should aim for. When both partners work together to resolve conflicts positively, the relationship is not only protected but has the opportunity to grow stronger.

Tips For Healthy Communication When Conflict Occurs

Conflict is an inevitable part of every relationship, but with healthy communication skills, you can turn it into an opportunity for both of you to understand each other better and build a better relationship.

Stay Focused

Don’t let the past mess up the present! When a conflict arises, you may want to bring up all the old issues. But this will only complicate the issue and make it harder to resolve. Instead, focus on the current issue and find a way to resolve it. This will make it easier for you and your partner to understand each other.

Listen Carefully

Don’t just listen to respond, listen to understand! We often think we’re listening, but we’re waiting for the other person to stop talking so we can respond. Try pausing, not interrupting, and listening to what the other person is feeling. When you truly listen, you understand them better and make the conversation go more smoothly.

Respond To Criticism With Empathy

When you are criticized, instead of getting angry and defensive, try to see things from the other person’s perspective. They are hurting and want you to understand. Respond with empathy, listen to their pain, and accept the truth in what they are saying. This will not only help defuse tension, but it will also make you a smarter communicator.

Own What’s Yours

In every conflict, both parties are responsible. Don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes, it doesn’t make you weak, it shows maturity and a willingness to learn. When you admit your mistakes, it encourages the other person to do the same, helping the relationship move forward.

Take A Time-Out

Sometimes the tension becomes too much to bear and you cannot continue the discussion calmly. In such situations, take a break from the conversation. You can go for a walk, take a break, or wait until the next day when both of you are calmer. This will help you calm down and continue the conversation more positively. Don’t forget to communicate your need for a break, and arrange a more suitable time for the other person to avoid “withdrawing” abruptly from the conversation and creating a feeling of “abandoning” and insecurity for the other person.

Keep At It

No matter how difficult it is, remember that communication is the key to maintaining a relationship. Don't give up just because of one argument. When you both work to understand and respect each other, you'll be closer to a solution. If necessary, seek professional help to work through the knots in your relationship.

Ask For Help

If you find it difficult to maintain respect or resolve conflicts, don’t hesitate to seek counseling. Sometimes, a third person with an objective perspective can help you both understand each other better and equip you with effective conflict-resolution skills.

Resolving Conflicts From A Distance: How To Avoid "Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind"?

Long-distance relationships are hard, and resolving conflicts from a distance is even harder. But don't worry, as long as you master a few communication tips below, all conflicts will become easier.

• Prioritize voice or video calls: Sometimes, resolving conflicts through long text messages is not a good idea. Text messages can easily lead to misunderstandings and make the conversation more confusing. Choose voice or video calls so you can see and feel each other's emotions.

• Focus on the conversation: When you have a conversation, give your full attention to the other person. Don't do your things or surf the internet while talking. This not only helps you understand the problem clearly but also shows that you care about the other person's feelings.

• Don't hang up when you're angry: When a conflict erupts, it's understandable to want to "hang up" or not want to listen to the other person. However, this will only make the situation worse. Instead of avoiding, agree with each other that both of you will listen until you understand each other's point of view. If necessary, you can pause and arrange a time to continue talking but don't keep the other person waiting too long without a promise.

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• Stay in touch: Don't "evaporate" from each other's lives, even when you're having a conflict. Before ending the call, agree on a time to talk again, so that neither of you feels abandoned or alone in the distance.

• Be understanding and empathetic: Try to listen and understand the other person's feelings, instead of just defending your own opinion. When you take the time to understand the other person, they will do the same for you, and then both of you can find a reasonable solution.

Long-distance relationships are not easy, but with patience, understanding, and effective communication, you can overcome all challenges. Don't let distance blur your love, let each conversation become a thread connecting two hearts despite the distance.

5 Useful Strategies To Help Couples Avoid And Resolve Conflict

Conflict in relationships is normal, but if it becomes a habit, both parties can easily fall into a cycle of arguing and feeling defeated. Here are five strategies to help couples avoid and resolve conflict effectively.

Launching And Landing Rituals

Small rituals like saying goodbye or greeting each other when you come home can become bonding moments that help build a healthier relationship. Ask yourself: Do you rush out the door without saying a word? When you come home, do you smile and tell a funny story, or do you just slam the door and ask “What’s for dinner?” How you behave when you leave and return can help improve your connection and reduce stress between you both.

Building A "Love Plan"

A “love plan” is a way to get a better understanding of what you want and how your partner views love. Take some time to think about a couple you admire, perhaps your parents, or anyone else you believe has a happy relationship. This will give you a clearer picture of what you need to do to maintain your relationship.

Don't Avoid The Problem

Don’t try to ignore difficult issues, as this will only make them worse. Make a commitment to work through any issues together, no matter how difficult they may be. Instead of letting negative emotions fester, sit down and discuss the issue as soon as it arises. If you can’t resolve it right away, at least agree to discuss it at a later time.

Looking Back

In moments of stress, we often forget why we fell in love in the first place. This creates a never-ending cycle of conflict. Sometimes, looking back and remembering the good times can help calm the situation and help both of you see the value of the relationship.

Discuss questions such as: What made you fall in love? What were the first years like? What is better now? How can you show your love to each other more?

Focus On Communication

One of the keys to resolving conflict is clear and honest communication. Listen to your partner not only through words but also through actions and expressions. Practice listening without judgment, and accept necessary pauses for reflection. This will help create a healthy space for communication, helping both of you understand and empathize with each other. 

Conflict is not the enemy of love, but a natural part of it. Use each conflict as an opportunity to explore, understand, and love each other more deeply. With patience and a willingness to learn, any relationship can overcome challenges.

References:

[1] How to Improve Your Relationships With Healthy Communication. https://www.verywellmind.com/managing-conflict-in-relationships-communication-tips-3144967

[2] Conflict Resolution in Relationships & Couples: 5 Strategies. https://positivepsychology.com/conflict-resolution-relationships/

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