Attachment Disorders - What Do We Truly Need in Relationships?

Have you ever wondered why some people feel anxious in love, while others easily walk away without regret? Attachment styles formed during childhood can play a significant role in shaping how we respond to relationships today. Understanding your attachment style can help you build healthier and more lasting connections.

Attachment Theory and Styles

Attachment theory, developed by psychoanalyst John Bowlby, focuses on why young children experience distress when separated from their caregivers. Bowlby found that infants rely on caregivers to meet basic needs. When they feel unsafe, children exhibit behaviors like crying, clinging, or seeking their parents to restore a sense of security.

Building on this foundation, subsequent studies explored attachment styles in adults. As we grow up, our attachment style develops based on how caregivers respond to our needs. These styles influence how we form close relationships and perceive ourselves in life. Research also shows that your attachment style can significantly impact your overall happiness.

There are four main attachment styles, categorized as either secure or insecure:

• Secure attachment: If your needs were consistently met as a child, you're likely to develop a secure attachment style. As an adult, you're more likely to feel confident and satisfied in relationships, trusting that others will be there for you.

• Insecure attachment: If your needs are ignored or unmet, you might develop an insecure attachment style. This can make building intimate relationships or trusting others challenging as an adult.

Insecure Attachment Styles

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

With an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, you may feel anxious about not being loved or afraid of loss. You may:

• Spend a lot of time overthinking their relationships.

• Crave reassurance from their partner.

• Feel jealous and highly sensitive to others' emotions.

This anxiety can lead to doubts, fears of abandonment, and misinterpretations of a partner’s actions as signs of relationship trouble.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

If you have an avoidant-dismissive attachment style, you tend to:

• Prefer independence and struggle to rely on others.

• Fear intimacy, worrying it may compromise their autonomy.

While they might appear indifferent, dismissive-avoidant individuals often maintain distance as a self-protective measure to avoid getting hurt.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

If you have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, you will:

• Feel conflicted about relationships—desiring love but fearing vulnerability.

• Suppress their emotions to avoid dealing with pain.

This can create a cycle where they avoid feelings yet remain overwhelmed by emotional intensity, making relationships tumultuous.

Attachment Disorder

When discussing attachment disorders, we refer to significant difficulties in forming and maintaining emotional bonds with others, particularly in children. These disorders often stem from adverse childhood experiences, such as neglect or abuse, leaving the child without a sense of safety and love.

Over time, attachment disorders can deeply affect emotional development, social skills, and the ability to form meaningful relationships as adults.

According to the DSM-5, attachment disorders fall into two main types. Each type presents distinct challenges in establishing connections and maintaining secure relationships:

• Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD): Children with RAD tend to avoid caregivers, lack emotional expression, and have difficulty forming relationships. They rarely show closeness or dependence on others, even in situations that require help or comfort. This can make them distant and unapproachable, affecting their psychological development uniquely.

• Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED): In contrast to RAD, children with DSED tend to be overly open and easily close to strangers, without distinguishing between familiar and unfamiliar feelings. Even with good care from their families, children with DSED easily seek closeness from others without considering the level of trust.

Currently, there is no formal diagnosis for adult attachment disorder. However, people who have had difficulty with attachment in adulthood may be carrying signs of RAD or DSED that were not diagnosed in childhood. If left untreated, RAD and DSED can continue to affect relationships in adulthood. For example, adults with an avoidant attachment may have difficulty disclosing themselves, lack intimacy in interpersonal relationships, and have difficulty maintaining a bond with a partner. 

Recognizing the signs of attachment disorder early and intervening promptly can help improve emotional and social skills, creating a solid foundation for building healthy relationships in the future.

Supporting A Loved One With Unhealthy Attachment

If your loved one exhibits signs of an unhealthy attachment style, here are some tips:

Anxious attachment:

• Communicate clearly and provide reassurance.

• Share schedules in advance to ease their worries.

• Establish healthy boundaries to prevent being drawn into their anxiety cycles.

Avoidant attachment:

• Respect their independence and avoid pressuring them to share emotions.

• Allow them personal space without emotional demands.

Attachment disorders:

• Maintain consistency and create a safe environment.

• Help them build emotional regulation skills and encourage professional support.

Intervention and Treatment

Professional support is vital for children suspected of having RAD or DSED. Psychologists can work with children and their families to foster positive changes and help them build healthy relationships.

While adults can’t completely alter an attachment style formed in childhood, working with a professional can help improve relationship patterns. By understanding and addressing your emotions and thoughts, you can replace unhealthy habits with new, healthier ways of connecting with others.

What’s Your Attachment Style?

Curious about your attachment style? Take a quiz to understand yourself better. You can start developing healthier and more fulfilling relationships by recognizing and understanding your attachment style.

Discover your attachment style HERE.

We hope this article helps you gain insights into attachment disorders and their impact on relationships. Self-awareness is the key to building strong, lasting connections in life.

References: 

Raypole, C. (2024, 26 janvier). How attachment disorders impact your relationships. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/attachment-disorder-in-adults#in-adults.

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